her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
