I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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