turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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