So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
