Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
