it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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