8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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