Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
