You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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