Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
