I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
