Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
operation have a gay friend backfired
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
