I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
