Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
