Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
