I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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