I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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