I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
