Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
