Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
