Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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