Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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