A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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