I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
3 2 1 whiskey
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
