Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
