Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
