U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
