Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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