Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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