Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
