I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
