My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
