It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
