is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
