DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
