Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
