okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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