ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
