I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
