I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
