I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
