Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
