she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So vagazzling was a success
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
