why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My penis needs a shock collar
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
