It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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