He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
