hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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