zippers are such a cool invention
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
