Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
