New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
